| Worried...confused...do I fit anymore? |
[30 Dec 2004|01:01am] |
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music |
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Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong |
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Well...Im back from that hell hole for good...and I dont know what to think. Im really happy to talk to some people from MI...but I want to know what happened to Terence and Matt...I ask around and nobody knows...
Im talking to Joe...and thats really cool. It brings back good memories...he and I were good friends, and I hope maybe that we can do that again. Hes a great guy. I love hearing about his little escapades with girls and seeing pictures of him. He's got a special place in my book, and it makes me happy to talk to him.
As far as being home...its nice, but I feel like an inmate that just got released from prison. I feel like Ive been in a black hole for a year and a half...Im so in the dark. You name it...I dont know anything about it LOL...music, movies, ect. IM AN IDIOT.
I love my family, and they've been a great support system...but I dont think they understand what I went through.
Oh well...enough about my drama...
New Years...no plans...the joy of being the new chick LOL...
happy holdays...I love you guys
and to the people I cant get in touch with...I miss you
p.s.. hopefully some news pics soon!
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[27 Dec 2004|01:18pm] |
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mood |
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Yellowcard - Ocean Avenue |
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SUP DUDES!!! Man it feels good to be home. I cant wait to actually sit down and write a real update about all the crap that has happened in the last year and a half. Things have changed, but I really am hoping to hear about the people I left. I have to go...but I love you guys!
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| Im just about back and ready for action |
[10 Dec 2004|12:21am] |
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Well...Im just about home from boarding school...December 23rd is the date that Ill be re-introduced to society :) If anyone has Matt Goldens screen name, Id appreciate it. Id like to talk to him to find out how everyone is doing. I left really abruptly and I miss everyone. So if someone could help me out Id appreciate it! When I get home Ill be picking this back up again for good.
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[19 May 2003|09:08am] |
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This weekend was somewhat odd. Padre and I werent fighting, but he seemed so sad. I think all this bullshit may finally be getting to him too, but of course nothing will be resolved.
Hopefully today after school Im doing something with Terence. If not Im going tanning then home to watch the movies we bought this weekend (The Ring, Goldmember, and some others). Tomorrow I have conditioning again. Im hoping that maybe since I already worked out once it wont as difficult. Its ok, I dont care either way. Im still going to do it.
On a random note...Im trying to finish my camera today so I can drop it off and get it developed. Should prove intresting LOL. Of course Ill post the ones worth looking at.
The 29th of this month will be seven months for me and Terence. Not bad...not bad at all. I really do love the kid. I kinda wish he would mature just a tad and see how rare and valuable a relationship like ours is. ::sigh:: Maybe one day...
Well Im off...
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| VICTORY!!!!!! |
[18 May 2003|08:50am] |
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Im so fucking mad...Terence gets to go to the Pistons game tonight with Eric. Im hoping he is nice and brings me back a t-shirt like the good boyfriend he should be LOL. Maybe he will be fucking amazing and bring me the Prince jersey? Doubt it LOL...but a girl can dream.
I have conditioning today, so depending on if its raining or not I might go tanning then just go home and sleep. I have been sleeping too well. Sleep until the game comes on anyways :)
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[16 May 2003|09:10am] |
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mood |
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Oh my lord Im so sore...
Its ok though. Itll be worth it.
Last night I was very upset, so hopefully today will make up for it.
Crawling through the halls, Im barely making it to class at allll LOL...
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| Ill be my own moral support... |
[15 May 2003|09:04am] |
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Wow...its been a while since I have updated. I have really been upset and stressed lately though. School is just shitty. Monday was the best day I have had in a very long time though. After school got out, me and Terence went to his house. We watched Friday After Next. I stayed there until almost nine, and then Matt took me home. Tuesday was pretty gay, and so was yesterday. We had a half day but people were being dumb as fuck so I went to Jessie’s with her, Danielle, and Laura. We had so much fun. We all about died choking on our food due to laughing so hard.
Today we start weight training/conditioning for basketball. Im going to be so sore tomorrow...but Im looking forward to it. There are certain people that have a chance of pissing me off...but Im not going to let it get to me. The worst part about it though is that my friends support me more than Terence does. Oh well. To each his own I guess.
After that Im probably just going home and taking a long hot shower, eating, then taking a nap. To top it off Im sick...so yuck.
**NOTE TO DENIS!!
Tonight isn’t a good night for us to hang out...but let me know if youll be here sometime next week and we will make plans.
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| code red? Im armed with sweet bbq chips and sour starburst :) |
[08 May 2003|09:03am] |
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mood |
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So yeah...my school has the "code red" drills. I guess they are supposed to represent some kind of terrorist attack. We have to stay in our classroom for something like two hours while cops search all parked cars and lockers. Im not sure if its this class or the next. Im sort of hoping its this class so at least I can look at stuff online. Who knows...
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[02 May 2003|08:51am] |
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Hmmm...its been a few days I think.
Wednesday I went to Wendy's with Danielle, Jess, Janice, Nawras, and Cory. Then we dropped off Danielle at her game and went to Matt Cancelor's (sp?) house and played cards and listened to music a while. We went back up to the game and then I went home for a little while. Later on I ended up going tanning with Jess, her mom, and Janice. While I was waiting for my bed, the guy that owns the place gave me a freakin' job! He said that in a couple months I should start coming in for training, then in like August he wuill hire me part time. I get all the free tanning I want and a major discount on any lotions....and if the lotions are new, I test them out at no charge. Other than that I just wipe the beds down and cashier. How cool is that? Im so excited. After we got done tanning, we went to Jess' house and hung out a while. Then I brought my little tan ass back home.
Yesterday after school me and Terence went to Eric's. I watched them play cards (I would have played but they were playing for money and they are way better than me. I only hustle money off of people in my spanish class LOL) for a while and then I got dropped off. I tried calling them to come get me but they were busy so I went tanning. Brandi was up there (she works there, and Im in there all the time) so I talked to her a few minutes. I went tanning and then Matt Golden called me. I was just getting dressed, so I ran outside to get signal but told Brandi not to give my room away because my stuff was in there. When I went back in to get my stuff, some old guy was right up on my ass and goes "I hope you're in a room with me, I dont mind sharing..."and I told him to get the fuck off. I grabbed my stuff and ran back to the front and told Brandi what happened and I guess the guy has been saying things that arent right to her too. Terence came in to get me and walked me out to Matt's car. I told Matt what happened and he was about to go inside and beat the guy up. We ended up just leaving (thank god...I dont want Matt or anyone else in trouble) and going to see Darkness Falls at Universal. The movie was pretty good but I was cracking up because the guys were all scared. They dropped me off and I ate then went to bed.
Today Im hanging out with Terence but Im not sure what we are doing. Im scrubbing it out though...so Im kinda in the mood to just lay down and watch a movie or something.
Who knows...well Im out.
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[30 Apr 2003|10:18am] |
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Smooth leather upper with two-color synthetic iridescent material in toe cap and heel. Dual-density CMEVA midsole with forefoot wrap, heel molded poyurethane and harmonix™ air-bag, removable CMEVA sockliner with poron inserts. High abrasion molded rubber outsole with tread in forefoot for enhanced traction, external toe, arch and heel TPU shank provides torsional stability. Wt. 18.6 oz.
These are the practice shoes Im hopefully getting...badass huh? Only $69.99 too. Yeah baby! Hopefully they will have my size though. If not, pissed I will be LOL.
Im not really doing anything today other than hanging out with Terence until he goes to work, then Im going tanning. Hopefully it will be hot enough outside so when I get home from tanning I can lay out and get really dark.
On a side note, Im convinced that people really are out to sabotage me and Terence's relationship. I guess people are trying to blow me up to him and people are surely blowing him up to me. Im really worried he is going to start believing them. Hopefully not though. We are good together. I couldnt sleep very much last night because when he called me we ended up talking about it and I had to go before the issue was resolved. I woke up every half and hour or so...and I feel like shit today. Im dragging ass something terrible. I hope we get some time to just chill today without twenty thousand people wanting to talk to him or whatever. I think we need it, because I know I sure do.
To make matters worse...my jeans arent fitting me anymore :(
Too fucking baggy. Oh well, Ill eat a lot at lunch and fatten up LOL.
Well now Im going with Jessie tanning and then staying at Danielle's soccer game for a few minutes.
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| Keep me warm... |
[29 Apr 2003|09:10pm] |
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B2K - Gotsta Be |
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Awww...this is about to get all mushy...just thought Id warn you.
Today after lunch Terence came up to me and goes "At least seven people told me you and Jermaine were flirting with each other." I tried to explain that I wasn't even talking to the kid that he had me pinned.**~note: what happened at lunch was I was talking to Los and Jermaine called my name. When I didn't answer he hit me in the head and I started yelling at him. Then he came by and touched my hair. I didn't talk to him after that. When lunch was over I was walking out the door and he was in my way, I bumped into him and he backed me into a wall and wouldn't let me out. And as for the stupid people who said we were flirting, you really need to stop trying to stir up shit. All I know is that if Terence starts doubting me or leaves me because he thinks Im playing him...I will hunt whoever they are down and bust their faces in. Thanks, and have a nice day~** Terence obviously wasn't hearing what I was saying so I got pissed and walked away. After school I was still somewhat pissed off so there for a while things were quiet between us. We went to Frank's and sat in the big swing on his front porch. T ended up leaning over and saying "Keep me warm" and all I could do was wrap my arms around him and be glad he didn't get up and move. I instantly felt better and saw how stupid we both were somewhat being. All I could think about was that yes, I am guilty of liking Jermaine in the PAST...but I love Terence. I wouldn't pick Jermaine or anybody else in this world over T. Jermaine is simply an amusement, Terence is who I know would give me anything in the world I wanted or needed and loves me for me. No strings attached. He doesn't care that my dad is a complete nut case...he doesn't care that Im white...he doesn't care about the stupid shit I say or do. Its real with him. It always has been real with him. I can remember back to sitting with him in the hall during the lunch hour he skipped to keep me company because I didn't feel good. I remember the time him, Jermaine, and Glenn hurt my feelings...and he stayed in the gym with me until we talked things out. I still smile when I think back to the day we were laying upstairs in Eric's room and he told me he loved me. To this day I still get tingles and a rush of warm over my body when he kisses me and says it. Damn, I remember the first time he asked me out and how heartbroken I was that I thought he took it back, and how fast my heart was beating while I pretended like I was mad and didn't care...and then how fucking amazing it felt when I called him and we fixed things. My day goes great when things with Terence are good. Sadly though, if he is mad because of a basketball game or is irritated with me and doesnt tell me my whole world falls apart and I just shut down. The only thing I am sure of, is that the past six months with him have been amazing. I truly do take him for granted some times and I really shouldnt...because he could pick up and leave me any day. I hope not, because he surely is the best thing going for me.
Well Im going to go...he should be calling soon.
Thank god for not going to school until 9:30 a.m. though...
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| "You cant touch MY pimp juice" - MEb |
[29 Apr 2003|12:53pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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me singing Pimp Juice |
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*Sun-roof...leave it alooooone...*
We didnt have to come into school until 9:30, so in other words I didnt wake up until 9:00 a.m.
We only have half an hour classes today too...so we are in one of the computer labs looking up information on heros. I picked Joan of Arc. WOO HOO...go Frenchies.
Today is six months for me and Terence...three months officially but six all together. I think we are going to the movies or something. If not Im going tanning then just going home I guess.
Oh well...until later.
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| Howdy y'all |
[25 Apr 2003|05:56pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Breaking Benjamin - Wish I May |
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You're just a broken doll...the depressed beauty,or
at least, that's your opinion...excluding the
beauty part of course. You don't see your own
beauty,but rather, are appaled by it. A
million people could stand on a soap box,
preaching to you about your goodness, your
beauty, and you purity, but you would ignore
them, taking there truths for granted. You're
more likely to slit your wrists than recognize
all the love people feel for you...so, all that
makes is a shell of what once was, and what
could be again.
What Kind of Person Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Wow...
I went to Kelly's for the afternoon and watched Swimfan with her and T. The movie was ok I guess...but mostly gay. It was too predictable. In a little bit Im going tanning and then to Great Lakes Crossing with T, Matt, and Shawn. Maybe my boyfriend will buy me something pretty? :) Hopefully.
I took pictures but Ill post them Monday...
*MWAH*
Oh yeah by the way... I LOVE THE NEW BAND BREAKING BENJAMIN!!!!
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| "I need a shower...this baby powder smells terrible" |
[23 Apr 2003|04:12pm] |
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mood |
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Cartoon Network :) |
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Wowzas...
Yesterday was great. I talked on the phone with Terence until he had to go to work then I got online. I talked to Matt a while, then he said he wanted to hang out. So I got dressed and him and his friend Nate (who is a kick ass guy, I hadnt ever met him prior to last night) picked me up. We went back to his house and watched the battle raps on the 8 Mile DVD. Shawn called us so we went and got him. After we got back we ended up playing cards (Spades and Tunk) and me and Shawn dominated LOL. Me and Shawn ended up getting into a huge baby powder fight, and naturally I won. They dropped me back off a little after ten.
Today Im just staying home and being lazy I guess. Everyone is at work, so Im scrubbing it out LOL. Tomorrow I guess we are all going to the movies or something...who knows.
I guess my dad has my screen name under suspension or something...so if you are going to IM me...IM me under XOroxydawl217 (that's my other sn).
Later.
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| you better put your woman first... |
[21 Apr 2003|06:43pm] |
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TV |
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I really hate the weekends when I cant get online. I gotta be slick about it LOL. Lame huh?
This weekend sucked though. I went crazy on Padre, but I think it made him see that I have about had enough and Im ready for something to be happening.
I called T today. I guess his mom was being a major pain, so he ended up calling me back later on and sounded like he was going to cry. I talked to him and made him laugh a little bit. I convinced him to go ahead and go to the mall to get out of the house so he'd feel better. I havent heard back from him, but Im not worried about it.
The only true complaint I have about him is that he hasnt been "putting his woman first" very much lately. Im not really sure whats going on with him though. It kinda sounds like his mom has been giving him hell lately, so Im hoping that's all it is. I probably wont be seeing him until if not after Thursday, because he has to work. I might go to Eric's and play ball or something.
Im attempting to cook...so Im done for now.
HI LISA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| she wants my pimp juice, I think I need to let her loose.. |
[17 Apr 2003|03:59pm] |
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Nelly - Pimp Juice |
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HANG OVERS SUCK SO BAD
Yesterday we had a half day. There was a big misunderstanding between me and T about what was going on after school, and he ended up leaving me. So I went with Matt, Leon, Shawn, and Mike to lunch. I was feeling sort of sick already from the meds Im on, but we went to a Chinese restaurant (because it was Leon's birthday and that what he wanted) and the smell made it worse. One thing that made it totally worth it though was after Leon got done eating he fell out of his chair and was on all fours looking around and making noises. Then he went to the bathroom and didn't come back for a good 10 minutes. I feel bad for whoever went in there next LOL. We got done and went to Eric's. T was being a dick so I just ignored him and hung out with everyone else. Then he left me again, which was just completely shitty. It ended up just being me and Eric there, and he tried to calm me down. I was really upset and hurt, but Eric talked to me and made me feel better. Eventually T called and we ended up in a big argument and I ended up crying. Nawras ended up bring Janice and Jessie over and we chilled out downstairs playing pool and stuff. On the way to take me and Janice home, I asked the guys if they wanted to drink. Sure enough a few minutes later we had plans to go to Eric's after his parents left to drink and watch a movie. I came home, changed into a cut out shirt, a tank top, and sweats, and then they picked me back up. We we by Nawras' house and got the liquor (86 proof whiskey), then stopped by a gas station and got Sprite for a chaser. We got to Eric's and all took a shot right away. THAT SHIT IS NASTY. We went downstairs and ended up deciding to play draw for shots. I ended up losing like five times in a row, and after a little while I was buzzing. I ended up losing a whole lot more and I ended up drinking almost if not more than half the bottle by myself. We went outside and tried to play basketball. Obviously it didn't work too well LOL. To be honest, after that I dont remember shit. I remember that I had a lot of fun though. Then I guess Matt came over to see what was going on and saw how drunk I was and decided I needed to go home. I guess he drove to 7-11 and got me a water to try and sober me up some, then went to his friend Ricky's house and got some bread so I had something on my stomach. He dropped me off and somehow I managed to take a shower get into pajamas, and get into bed. I woke up this morning and felt terrible. I guess I had thrown up a lot at Eric's, but I didn't throw up this morning. I had a terrible headache and was sick to my stomach. I got dressed and went to school, and wow that was terrible LOL. We had a half day again, and we had a talent show the last class of the day so I left and went to Eric's. I layed down, then Eric, Shawn, and T got there. Me and T went downstairs and talked, so I guess we arent technically fighting any more. Who knows. I had Nawras drive me home, and I guess they all went to the rec or something. Im going to try and get something to eat...and hope it will stay down. I have had those bubbling-burps all day. You know what I mean...the burps that make it feel like your whole stomach is about to be in your lap? Yeah, they suck. All right then...until later.
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[15 Apr 2003|07:02pm] |
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MTV |
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Im sick as fuck. I didn't go to school today and I went to the doctor. My meds include 4 pills and nasal spray twice a day. They also did blood work. I have a nasty bruise from it. I came home and slept because the doctor gave me a note saying I cant go back to school. The meds have me feeling really sick to my stomach though so that sucks.
But enough about complaining about my illness LOL.
I talked to a bunch of people from school. Later on Im going to go tanning though.
So about Terence...he said he wasn't "himself" yesterday because a good friend of his was mad at him. I guess all I can do is let it go. It bothers me that he couldn't have said a little something so I didn't feel so bad yesterday. Oh well...not a big deal. I missed him today though. ::sigh::
You know...I have been sort of paranoid about things lately, and me laying around all day hasnt really helped due to the fact that all I do is think. I have a somewhat over-analyzing type of personality, and I just crucify myself when I take the little things and then starting thinking everyone is out to get me. I somehow take the good things in my life and end up thinking that its a bad thing. I really need to stop because Im going to end up going back on the defense and pushing everyone away again.
Stupid Girl.
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| I need somebody, somebody, someone... |
[14 Apr 2003|08:39pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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Korn - Somebody, Someone |
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For some reason lately things with Terence have been...oh how can I say this...different? Distant maybe? He has been acting way different that before, and Im not sure why. Im not sure what has been going on...but with all this stuff with my dad, Terence has been one of the main things to make me have hope that things will be OK. Not that anything has changed there, its just that lately I have been wondering how much he is still with me. Dont get me wrong...I dont think he is cheating on me or anything. I just think that maybe he is just tired of everything. Maybe Im just paranoid. I just know that my dependency issues are resurfacing and I really hope he stays true and helps keep me strong through all of this. I love him, and Id do anything in the world for him. I just hope he hasnt gotten into the groove of me being there and thinking that I wont leave...thinking that he can fuck up and I wont do anything about it. Especially right now I cant deal with being at war with my dad and then brushed aside for the exact person I have been fighting for.
But on a better note...after spring break ball starts. IM SO FUCKING EXCITED! I get all jittery and happy when I talk about it. God I cant wait to be part of a team again. I hope everyone plays again this year...I really did grow to have a place in my heart for my ball girls.
Tonight I went to the soccer game with Eric, Tim, Andrew, and some other people. It was nice to just hang out and joke.
Well Im going to go wait for Terence to call me...for an explanation maybe?
::Sigh::
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| and when the chips are down...you will see who is true... |
[11 Apr 2003|06:49pm] |
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loved |
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Godsmack - Realign |
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I havent cried like that and hurt that bad in a very long time. Last night Terence and I talked about everything. All I could do was sit on my couch shaking, crying, and trying not to let Terence hear me on the other end of the line. I finally just came out and told him how upset I was and how I thought I had lost him...and then he told me he had thought he lost me. Neither one of us could believe that the argument had gotten to that level. He and I NEVER, EVER fight. We always talk it out before it becomes a problem. Last night he specifically said "This isnt like us Tiff...we gotta fix this". We talked and got it worked out. Today at school was great. I can tell we both felt better. He brought me lunch and sat with me and ate until I licked him then he got up LOL. After school we just went to his house and chilled out. It honestly just felt so right. I love him, no doubt.
As of now Im sitting here, about to get food, and thinking about how lucky I am.
Until later...
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